"Madison, Delaware," wow
Mom, are you positive there weren't any other places.
- Looking for vice principals? - Like where?
- Guantanamo Bay? - Ooh, too hot.
- North Korea? - No. They didn't call me back
Detroit?
This is it
Come on, come on
Look! A yard You'd never get this in New York
You don't have to sell me on this place
- I'm staying because I love you - Aw, I love you too
And I looked into it
Legally, I can't live on my own until I'm 18
Look at this kitchen It's bigger than our apartment.
We don't cook.
Well, look at all of this counter space to put the takeout on. Whooh
Do you hear that?
- No, I don't hear anything - Exactly
Live from New York, it's my sister Gale
With special guest, my nephew Zach.
- Get in here with a hug - Heh, hey Oh
- It's an SNL reference - Yeah
- You lived in New York - Yeah
- Oh, my goodness. Look at you - Ha-ha-ha
You're not in any color.
- Hey. - We should change that
- Oh, my God. It's good to see you - Wow, you too.
Okay Let me take him in
Oh, my gosh He gets more handsome every time I see him
- So good-looking - Thank you, Aunt Lorraine
He's just a beautiful boy.
Thank God, because you were such an ugly baby
- There it is. - What? It's fine. He's handsome now
It's not like he's gonna go ugly, handsome and then back to ugly
No. The danger's passed Heh, heh Oh, I almost forgot
I got a present for you because I'm a cool aunt
This is from my new signature men's line
- Ooh. - Check it out
- Awesome - It's limited edition.
So you're not gonna see a lot of men wearing that hat
Yeah, I can't imagine anyone would be wearing it.
- It's so limited edition. - Try it on. Make sure it fits.
- Try it on right now? Okay - Take her for a spin
Vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom.
Aww..
- Oh, yes Look at that - I mean, come on That is it.
Okay
Um, I'm gonna go unload some boxes now and see you around.
Oh, honey Leave the hat on
- I don't want you to burn - Mm
- And you look good with it on - Thank you Cool
Smooth
So you're the new neighbor?
Yeah Nice to meet you
How long was the drive from New York?
No, I can just tell by the pretty hat that you have
Oh, no This-- No
This is-- This is actually a gift from my aunt.
It's also a gift for me and everyone who gets to see you wearing it.
I'm Zach, by the way
- I'm Hannah - Hannah
I gotta go
Good talk
Hi. Hey, we're just moving in
Just-- Just me and my mom.
- This hat was a gift - You see that fence?
Do you see the fence?
- Uh, yes - Stay on your side of it
You stay away from my daughter, you stay away from me.
And we won't have a problem
Well, just met our neighbor
He's a big teddy bear.
Oh, Mr. Shivers?
Yeah, he moved to town a few years ago
Very mysterious
Very sexy I love his scent
It's like mint and BO
- It works - Yeah. Not my type
I remember that day
Oh
You okay, sweetheart?
Yeah Yeah Sorry. Um.
I'm gonna go get a head start decorating my room. Knock it off my bucket list
How's he doing?
Oh, it's been hard
He's putting up a wall
Hopefully, a change of scenery will help
How are you doing?
Hopefully, a change of scenery will help
All right, Zach. Let's see what you got.
Fastball.
Two's a curve.
Gotta get up. You gotta give me the sign.
There you go. Oh!
That's--
- Oh, see? Dad's not perfect. - No. Heh, heh.
Dad can get one drop.
All right. Read the signs.
It's all just to block.
Don't wanna jump up. That's how the fastballs get by.
All right. Get ready. Go fast now Okay?
Honey? You okay?
Um, yeah Just found some old baby pictures
I really did look like baby Gollum
Yeah, yeah That's always the case, right?
Hey, Becca Oh, hey
Yay! New friends, new friends, new friends
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What do you think you're doing?
I'm going to work Gonna do some educating
Some administrating
Cool Mom, I'm the new kid, which presents its own set of obstacles
Not sure walking in with the vice principal is the play
Just give me a 60-second head start so I at least have a chance
Deal. You promise you'll give it a shot?
You know I can't promise you that
I promise All right?
And this door-locking thing. Come on, you're better than that
60 seconds start now, 60, 59, 58, 57, 56, 55, 54.
All right Let's find our seats, ladies and gentlemen
Find our seats quickly.
Let's find our seats
Mm-hm
- Okay Let's settle down - Um.
Okay Uh, sorry
- Excuse me Can we just--? Eeeh - Your friends will find you.
Okay, cool. Okay Unh.
So you're the new kid
- Oh, yeah. - Cool, cool Oh
- Hi, Taylor - Hi, Chump
- She just call you "Chump"? - Yes, indeed, she did
My real name is Champ, you know
But she's never talked to me before so we're making progress
3.
2.
1.
Settle down.
Good morning
I am so happy to introduce you to our new vice principal, Ms Cooper.
And I hope that you show her the same respect that you show me
Ha-ha-ha. Who did that?
Ms. Cooper
I'm watching you
Hi, everyone
I know I speak for the entire administration.
When I say that we are so excited for Friday's fall dance
We can't stop twerking about it
Oh, no, she didn't
- Aw, she's worse than the last one. - That's my mom
Oh, well, the last one was fantastic
I-- I'm kidding I don't even know what twerking is
- But I hear it's very popular. - So
You taking anyone to the dance?
- No. - Yeah
I was thinking about flying solo too
Hey, we should go together
- "Together"? - Oh, not like "together" together
Dance together or anything Although that could work
You know, we get the crowd into it? And then go split off with different girls.
And as a final reminder, just be safe and have fun
Take this. Shoot me a text or tweet me Has my contact info
My home address and locker number
- You know where to find me - Anyone.
- Thanks - Anyone is caught dancing.
With their butt facing their partner, you will be sent home immediately
Immediately.
Hello?
Is someone there?
Did I scare you?
- Pfft, no - Really?
Because you jumped like 10 feet high, so
You know.
I jump a lot It's how I stay in such great shape.
- That's good - I, um.
- Yeah, I didn't see you at school today - Aw, what, you were looking for me?
- No, no I just-- I just observed-- - No, I'm homeschooled
Oh, by your dad?
He seems.
Nice
And intense
- And a little tense - Don't take it personally
- He doesn't really like anyone. - Yeah
So, um.
So is there anything fun to do around here aside from scaring your neighbors?
- Okay There is one thing that I like to do - Yeah?
Come with me.
Uh.
- Hey, where are we going? - Don't worry. It'll be fun
- You sure you know where you're going? - Yes, come on
This way
You taking me somewhere to kill me? Just curious
I'm playing it by ear
Hannah?
Yes, Zach, follow the stranger into the woods
Come on, scaredy-cat We're almost there
Okay Just a little further
Okay Just wait here
Okay
Where exactly is here?
Watch this
Whoa
What do you think?
Uh.
It's not what I was expecting
So, what is this place?
Well, they built it years ago, but then they ran out of money.
Now it just sits here
Come on. This is my favorite part
Wait What are you doing?
What are you afraid of? I do this all the time
I'm-- I'm not afraid I'm just not current with my tetanus shots
I hate the suburbs
Come on.
You can do it Just don't look down
I know
- You're not gonna fall - I wasn't planning on it.
- There you go - Hi.
Hi.
All right
So I'm high off of the ground.
It's cool, right?
Yeah It's cool You can see everything from up here.
So
Why'd you move to Madison?
Well, my mom said to me:
"Zach, if you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?"
And I said, "Can we please move to Madison, Delaware?
- That'd be my dream " - Are you always this sarcastic?
Always? No, that's a strong word Not always Usually.
I'm sorry It's just, um--
It's just been me and my mom since my dad died last year, so yeah
I'm sorry
I don't really think about it much anymore
What about you?
I never knew my mom, and we're always moving
From one town to the next
That really sucks
It's fine
Hey.
Can I ask you something really serious, Hannah?
Yeah What?
- How do we get down? - Heh Heh.
- I'm serious Is there a plan? - No.
- How do you normally get down? - You can't You're stuck
Wow, I can't believe you ate that cotton candy
And you know what's scary is it actually tasted kind of fine.
So, uh.
Thanks for tonight That was
- The least terrible time I've had here - Oh, Zach That's so sweet.
That's-- I-- Really
Okay
Hey, Hannah I'm.
I'm probably gonna take out the trash on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
So, you know, you feel like creeping up on someone.
That works for me.
All right I'll keep that in mind, scaredy-cat
Hannah
- What are you doing out here? - I'm so sorry
This is your last warning
You stay away from us, or something very bad will happen
I believe you
"What is X?"
What is X?
Dad, it's not a big deal
You have to understand--
I don't have to understand anything
We were just talking Why can't I have friends?
You know why! That's not fair.
You can't lock me up
You're never allowed to see that boy. You understand me? Ever!
Dad, please calm down
- Hannah - No!
What?
- What? - I heard a scream. Is Hannah okay?
- There was no scream - What?
Get out of here, or the last scream you ever hear will be your own
No. Wait, wait--
Mom
- Hey, Mom Mom Mom - Oh, hey, sweetie
- Hey, how about quinoa for dinner? - Hannah's in trouble
Oh, who's Hannah?
Madison County 911.
Hi, yes Uh, I live on Monroe Um--
- Uh, it's an emergency, I think - Zach, what's going on?
Yeah Maybe possibly a domestic disturbance I don't know
- You're under arrest - Oh Wup Wup, wup, wup
I love that enthusiasm I love that Keep it, but we're just not there yet
Hello, sir My name's Officer Stevens This is Training Officer Brooks
- Sorry about that - You don't need to be sorry.
- You're doing a great job - Really?
You're doing fantastic.
We got a call about a possible 10-16 at your residence
Which is?
Um. Don't tell me.
It's a domestic disturbance
Absolutely right
- Really? - Absolutely right
Strange because I've been here alone and I haven't heard a thing
No, no, he's lying.
Where's Hannah? I know it was her screaming.
Heh Okay, yes Hannah's my daughter, and she's been staying with me.
For a while while her mother sorted a few things out.
- With her new husband - Huh
She flew back to London yesterday morning
All right Well, that checks out
Apologies, sir Thank you for your time
We're sorry for the disturbance
Surround sound
I didn't know being an audiophile was a crime
- Being a what? A what-a-phile? - Whoa, whoa.
Whoa That just means that he is a connoisseur
- Of high-end audio equipment - Oh
Hi. I'm so sorry We haven't properly met
I'm Gale Cooper, your new neighbor. It's a beautiful home you have
Pleasure's mine
Thank you so much for stopping by and bringing your.
Delightful son and the police
Again, I'm so sorry
Apologies for this, sir
We hate coming into the home of an upstanding citizen
Really sorry I mean, obviously, you're not doing anything
If you would like to press charges against the boy
We would love to help you.
- Hannah! Hannah! - Whoa!
- Hannah! - No. Hold on, big guy
- No, just look upstairs Trust me - Should I tase him?
- I'll tase him - I like that moxie, but we'll hold off
Have any idea what the penalty is for filing a false police report?
- 3 years - Close It's actually a written warning
Hold on Mom, tell me you don't believe him
- Surround sound? Seriously? - Zach, enough
Go home
- Oh, officers I'm so sorry - It's all right, ma'am
We should recommend a good treatment center for your son
- Yeah That kid's on drugs - That kid is on drugs
Good night
Gale
- It's Lorraine - I can see you
It's your sister
- Hi. Thanks for coming - Hi.
I have to chaperone the dance at the high school.
- I don't wanna leave Zach alone tonight - Gale
He's a teenage boy having a hard time adjusting
You know what he needs? A night in with his aunt, BeDazzling Duh
- Thanks I hate fighting with him. - I know
- It'll get better Just give it some time. - Okay
All right Kit coming through, and don't worry.
It's gonna be all about Zach tonight
Zach!
So we went out to sushi on Wednesday
And we both ordered the chicken teriyaki, which is like, "It's fate."
And then I haven't heard from him since, which is a bummer because I liked him
He didn't laugh at any of my jokes, but I felt like there was something there.
I don't know. Not like I even care
It's like, whatever. I should listen to my psychic
She says, "Stop dating losers, and never go on a plane "
I knew it
Oh, so you think he's playing hard to get?
Or the more likely scenario:
He lost his phone in, like, a fire.
- Yeah, I think he lost his phone - Yeah I do too
You know, I-- I totally forgot
I have a huge test on Monday that I gotta study for
So I'm just gonna do that all night, and definitely don't come in my room
Oh, okay
- Yeah See you - Night, sweetie
But you know what, I'm just gonna call him Now I'm worried he's dead
Hey, hey, hey
Over here
Wait So how is this gonna work? Are you my wingman, or am I yours?
- You're wearing that? - Gotta tell you something Get down
Dude, no. This is a new suit, all right? Get off.
- Where are the girls? - Uh, yeah I just said that to get you here.
I need your help.
So there are no girls?
Well, there is one girl
- Oh! My man! - Shh!
What? What?
But she's locked in this house, and her dad's a psychopath
Does she have a friend?
No. I'm serious
You said there was gonna be girls, and not only are there no girls
There's a psychopath, and I'm in a suit How do you know he's gonna leave?
I called and pretended to be the cops I asked him to come to the station
- You can get in big trouble - Just a written warning.
Dude It's wet dirt, dude My pants are gonna get muddied
He's right there
Whoa
All right Let's go
- Come on. Dude - Okay, okay Ooph!
- My dry-cleaning bill will be ridiculous - Come on.
Whoa Where'd you learn that, New York?
- No, YouTube - Oh
- Okay, stay here and watch the driveway. - Wait here by myself?
- Out in the dark? - Yes, Champ You're the lookout
If Shivers comes back, just give me a sign like:
Okay, just so we're clear
If I sense any danger, I will run the other way
Where am I?
You're supposed to be the lookout.
And that's not gonna change I'll just be the lookout in here
No, no, by definition you have to be somewhere out, looking
Let me explain something You know how they say teenagers have no fear of death?
That they're never gonna get hurt? Not me, okay?
I was born with the gift of fear I remember being 4.
On a swing thinking, "This is how it ends "
You're not gonna die At least not today
- Okay? It's gonna be okay - Yeah, you're right
- Okay - I'm being ridiculous
Oh, bear traps
Who puts bear traps in their basement? I mean, seriously
Let's go
What? Let's go outside where it's safe. Where there's no bear traps
I think I swallowed some web
Dude, this way.
Come on. Come on.
- Up there - Oh
It's coming from that room
Hannah?
That's weird
It's like the noise is coming from this bookcase
Well, it's an old house
Whoa Check this out.
The Scarecrow Walks at Midnight.
The Ghost Next Door, Night of the Living Dummy.
These are all Goosebumps manuscripts.
What's he doing with a bunch of kids' books?
These aren't kids' books Okay?
Kids' books help you fall asleep These books keep you up all night
"R. L. Stine " What ever happened to that guy?
Uh, who knows? He disappeared Does it matter? Let's go
The Abominable Snowman of Pasadena.
My grandma lives in Pasadena I stopped visiting after reading this
Okay
- We're not here for book club - I know, but why are these books locked?
I mean, who would lock a book?
Maybe there's like, a key or something we can unlock it with
Okay, if it really matters that much, look at this All right?
Mystery solved
Now let's get back to why-- Look out!
Zach?
Hey, Hannah
What are you doing in my house?
- I thought you were chained up, possibly - Why would you think that?
Because I heard you scream, and then I called the police
- Okay, both of you need to go right now. - Yes Okay
One second
Hi. Hi, I'm Champ Nice to meet you
Hey, we're going to the semiformal later tonight
And, uh, I don't know, you should come and invite a friend.
- I really don't care what she looks like - Did you unlock a book?
Yeah, I did I'm sorry It's around here somewhere
I just dropped it. I'll put it back and we'll be out of your hair
- Look Here it is-- - No. Don't open it
No!
- What's going on? - Nobody make a sound
My dad's gonna kill me
Wait Zach
Zach
Wait, Hannah.
- Hannah Hannah, wait - Go home You're in over your head
- You wanna tell me what's going on? - No, I can't explain I have to go.
Zach, wait. Wait Come on Listen.
- Stop Stop Stop - Dude, what are you doing?
- Dude Dude, get off me - Listen very carefully
That's the Abominable Snowman
You don't get that nickname by accident And it crawled out of a book
- That doesn't just happen, Zach - I'm going after Hannah.
Look, I read what it did to Pasadena It's no joke, man
She went in there
Yeah She's not the only one who went in there.
Dude, we should call the cops.
Have you met the cops in this town?
Fair enough
Do you see the scratches on that wall?
Yes
Just making sure
- Oh! - Is that your scream?
Don't judge me
Over here This way
What is she gonna do, read it a story?
Hannah? What is happening?
- How did that pop out of a book? - Shh It's here.
- Hey, we should get a gun. - Are you kidding? We need a tank
Wait He's made out of snow
- Flamethrower - Bag of salt.
- Flamethrower - Quiet
He can't be killed
It's candy
Look out!
Come on. It's distracted
- Hannah, come on Let's go - What are you doing? Get off No Stop it
The only way to stop them is to suck them back into the book
Drop the book Let it suck itself back in
No, I'm not close enough
- What are you doing? Open the book - Just wait
Hannah, open the book Not yet
- Hannah! - Now!
- The book - Hannah, what are you doing?
Hannah
- No. - No.
Don't let it get the book
- Are you okay? - Yeah
- Come on, let's go! - Come on. Come on.
Over here Come on
- Come on. - Good idea Punch it
- Bad idea Bad idea Get off that thing - Aah!
Run
Hurry, this way Guys, come on In here
Guys, come on Hurry!
Yes
All of you in the car, now!
What are you gonna do to us? Silence
- We can't even ask questions--? - Shut up
They were trying to help
I told you to stay away, or something bad would happen.
That's the problem with kids today They don't listen
You had to pick Abominable Snowman of Pasadena
You couldn't have picked Little Shop of Hamsters
- You're him, aren't you? - Hm?
You're R. L. Stine
R. L. who? I don't know who that is
Oh, really?
Well, just as well, because his books suck
- What are you doing? - I can't decide.
Which one I hate more, Monster Blood or Go Eat Worms!
I'm so confused.
You see the endings coming from a mile away. It's like.
Stop trying to be Stephen King, man
Let me tell you about Steve King
Steve King wishes he could write like me, and I've sold way more books than him
- But nobody ever talks about that! - Okay
Way more books!
- Dad. - Aah!
Your face is doing the red thing again
No way
Wait, you're R. L. Stine? That's you?
Really? Really? Hey, can I get a picture real quick?
- No. No - Come on. Come on.
- The answer's "yes." - I said no
What? I-- No! Get that thing out of here
I'm sorry I just wanted a photo real quick for my Instagram
Oh, is that all? Let me see.
- Oh, yeah. Here you go - Thank you
Hey, what happens now?
Go home, put on your pj's, get your blankie, you go nap-nap.
In the morning, this will feel like a bad dream
- Dad, wait - There's no time Start packing
We're moving again.
So, what do you wanna do now?
Zach, dude
But I don't wanna leave I like it here
Hannah, you have to understand
I don't have to understand anything
Why can't we be normal for once?
Because we're not a normal family Now go get your things
I'm so over this
Oh! Teenagers!
I could've killed you.
- That was a terrible throw - How?
What are you doing here? Go home.
No, no Not until you explain what's going on
No, no, no I can't explain it
We were almost just eaten by Frosty the Snowman.
Which should be impossible, so try
Okay, look.
Where do I begin?
When I was younger, I suffered from terrible allergies that kept me indoors
And all the kids threw rocks at my window and called me names
So I created my own friends
Monsters, demons, ghouls.
To terrorize my neighborhood and all the kids that made fun of me
And they became real to me
And then one day
They actually
Became.
Real
My monsters literally leapt off the page.
As long as the books remain locked, we're safe
But when they open.
Well, you've just seen what happens
I'm allergic to dust mites
What's your point?
I'm just saying, I have allergies too so I understand
Why am I talking to you? Hannah, let's go
- Hannah - Sorry
Let's go
Hannah, you grab A to M, I'll get M to zed
And keep the man-eating plant away from the bug-eyed aliens.
Oh, no Not him
Hello, Papa
How long's it been?
Feels like forever
Who are your new friends?
- We're not - Barely know him
Slappy, it's so nice to see you again.
- Did you miss me? - Of course I missed you
So, what's the plan, friend?
You must've brought me out for something fun
Terrorize the locals? Destroy the town?
Let's get silly
You guessed it, Slappy I'm going to destroy Madison, and I--
And I couldn't do it without you.
Aw, shucks You're giving me-- Oh, what's the word?
Goosebumps
- Oh, my God. He's so creepy - Oh, he is such a crack-up
Such a clever dummy
Who are you calling "dummy," dummy?
You're trying to put me back in?
No, no, no Don't be silly
I know when you're lying to me, Papa.
You've made Slappy very unhappy
He's not going back on the shelf ever again
Slappy, no, wait!
I think it's time I started pulling the strings in this relationship
Tonight is gonna be the best story you've ever written.
All of your children are coming out to play
Oh, thank God he's gone
Oh, God
He's gone
And he's taken all the books
That one's a real page-turner.
Congratulations. You've just released a demon
A ventriloquist dummy with a serious Napoleonic complex
For the record, I opened one book That was a mistake
Snowman must've knocked Slappy's book down
I still blame him. I don't like you, boy
It's locked from the outside
Out the kitchen door Go now
- Why is that here? - I don't know.
- Hi. - Wee-hee!
Maybe they're friendly
Not friendly. Definitely not friendly
Whooh.
He's stuck to my face Definitely not friendly
Dad! Aah!
Hold on I'll save you
I'm sorry I'm so sorry Are you okay?
Unh! Ready, set, go
No!
I'm sorry
Help me Oh, no, no, no. Help, someone
Get back Get back
Get back
Heave-ho Heave-ho
- Help me Help me Get them off - Okay.
Heave-ho Heave-ho
Quickly.
Shut it Shut it
Did you get them all? Heave-ho Heave-ho
- Untie me - I imagined something different
"Come over to my house. There will be girls I'm your wingman "
Oh, no, no, no.
We need to get to the basement.
- It's locked - I picked it.
That's breaking and entering
Watch out for the bear traps
Why'd it have to be bear traps? All right, come on Hurry.
Lock it. Lock it Okay
Why couldn't you have written stories about rainbows and unicorns?
Because that doesn't sell 400 million copies
Whoa, domestic?
No, worldwide It's still very impressive Shut up
What is that?
- He's burning the books - Why's he doing that?
So there's no way to get the monsters back inside
It's Slappy's revenge
Slappy's Revenge That's a good title.
Sorry, folks I'd slow down, but I can't reach the brake.
Hey, check out my new best seller
It'll grow on you
Dropped calls are gonna be the least of this town's problems
I'm driving myself crazy
The town has been invaded Communications are down.
We're talking mass chaos, and no one knows how to stop it
What do you think?
I'm not sure I--
- I don't know. - It's The Blob
The Blob The original one with Steve McQueen
I can't believe you don't know that movie
Come over to my house I got it on LaserDisc. We'll wa--
Power went out again
God All night with this
Well, these emergency lights should kick on soon
Somebody left their ventriloquist dummy
Who you calling "dummy"?
It's talking What is that thing?
I come in peace Unarmed
- I just wanna read you a bedtime story - Sir, shut your mouth
- That's not gonna stop me. - Hands where I can see them
Officers, you've been relieved of your duties Ha, ha!
Now, freeze
Hello?
Oh, hello, cutie You must be lost
Aw. And no tags
Well, let's get you some water.
We'll take you around the neighborhood and find your owner
Is he handsome?
Is he single?
Is he thinking about leaving his wife and needs a push?
All right Trying not to spill
Don't be clumsy, Lorraine
Okay, you must be so thirsty
Everyone in town's been frozen
Oh, my God. Oh, my God, Dad Dad, what happened to--?
Wait
Oh Oh, thank God
Guys, false alarm It's not my dad
- What are we going to do? - Without those manuscripts
There's nothing I can do.
If you wrote the monsters off the page, maybe you could write them back on
Wait-- Yeah Why don't you do that?
You have any idea how many stories I'd have to write
To capture every monster I've created?
- I have carpal tunnel in both hands - Dad, listen to him It's a great idea
Just one One story to capture them all
Hmm, simple Just one, one story, with every monster I've ever created.
Brilliant. Really good idea
He's a keeper.
You have a better idea?
Mm-hm, mm-hm A much better idea
No, not now, I don't, but--
We gotta get you to a computer so you can start writing All right, there's--
There's a computer store. Just break in
No, no, no I need my typewriter
- What? - Every story I've written
Was on that Smith Corona It's not just me
That typewriter is special.
It has a soul of its own
If I write on anything else, it won't work
Where's the typewriter?
Oh, don't worry
It's somewhere safe
Get ugly
And everybody say
Get ugly
Come on.
Come on, come on, come on
Just give me one bar
This was working earlier
- Brains - Aah!
Heh, I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you
I did mean to scare you, but in a playful way.
So, uh, is everything okay?
Uh-- Uh--
I'm sorry, I have to get hold of my son, and I can't get any service
Yeah No one can tonight. It's weird
I don't know what's going on with my phone
I can't get reception
Slappy's taken out the cell-phone towers That's what I'd do
He's cutting us off Isolating us
What was that?
Ugh, it's the Invisible Boy He's a menace.
Shove him out the window Roll up the window
- He's got his tie. - Help, help
Hold on
Not cool!
Are you okay?
- Yeah - For sure.
Yeah Wait. Wait, look out!
- Are you okay? - Yeah
Everyone okay?
It came out of nowhere
I don't remember writing about a giant praying mantis
- Right Now I remember - Get us out of here!
What are you doing?
- Well, I can't drive if I can't see - Just go!
Oh, my God.
- Watch out! - Turn left!
- Stop driving straight. Step on it. - He's catching up.
- Turn right - Someone else wanna drive?
Because I'll pull over right now
Why'd you come up with something so freaky?
I just have a knack for it, I guess
Oh, no My Wagoneer
I had such low mileage on it
- How far are we from the high school? - Not too far
- We can cut through the cemetery - I'm sorry, a cemetery?
Relax The high school's just past the woods
How do you know that?
Uh, sometimes I get a little stir-crazy and go exploring
- When? - At night, after you go to bed
You're grounded
- That is so unfair - It's fair
Guys, you're both bringing up good points, but let's keep moving
Sneaking off at night with strange boys
- Unbelievable - Shut it
- Do you have a dollar I could borrow? - What? No
- Why? - I'm parched
- Take one I'm sure they'll understand - Really? Ha
Lemonade, grape
- Or strawberry? - Good God, man
Here Orange
Don't know what I was thinking There's way more going on here than New York.
- What? - Uh, you cut yourself.
- Is it bad? - Uh, yeah It's really bad.
- Is my face messed up? - Yeah
Big time
You look exactly the same
Did you hear that?
What are you doing?
That's the Werewolf of Fever Swamp He can smell my scent
No, it's not working I have to hide
Come on.
Shh, no, no, no
Do something
Come on, come on Come on
Come on. Go, go, go
He's on our tail. Go
Go He's right behind us
Come on. Go, go
Ha-ha-ha Oh!
I'm stuck Help me get out
- What are you doing? - There's no time
- I said get me out of here. - Gotta go There's no time
I said get me out-- Oh, no Keep going He's chasing us
I'm going as fast as I can
- Just go. We're right behind you - Okay
Come on. We gotta go Get up Get up
- Come on, come on! - Let's go, guys.
Come on, come on, come on
Ha! Let's see him get through that
Go, go Run, run
- It's locked - This way
Whoa!
I'm okay.
I'm still okay
- Who is that? - It's my Aunt Lorraine
- Oh, my gosh I think I killed that bear. - It was actually a werewolf.
- What? - What are you doing here?
This is the back of my store Didn't know where else to go.
I can't get ahold of your mother or the cops or anyone
- Hello. - Uh, hi Hello
Hi.
I don't think we've been properly introduced. Um--
I'm-- I'm Lorraine
Hello. R. L. Stine.
We owe you a great debt of gratitude
- Your reckless driving saved our lives - Oh, that old thing? Ha, ha
- Lorraine Lorraine - So
Lorraine, we don't have time
I need you to go to the police Tell them to meet us at the high school
- All right? Can you do that? Okay - I can do that.
Did you wanna exchange numbers?
It's not a good time, but yes!
Oh, God, this is a bad idea
What was that?
- You okay? - Yeah, yeah Yeah
Yeah Just a root Nothing scary here
So how did you get the nickname "Champ"?
It's not a nickname
Wait That's your real name? Is it short for something?
- My full name is Champion. - Your actual name is Champion Heh
Sorry
Dad won a bronze in the '92 Olympics
Really?
My mom, she was an all-American sprinter.
And a two-time world debate champion
So they named me "Champ "
- If you're scared, I can hold your hand - Please, you're the scaredy-cat
Wait Hold on It's okay It's just a statue
All right? You're fine
It's all right All right?
Just give me a sec It's--
It's caught on your jacket
My hero
There You're free to go
What is it?
Nothing
Are you sure?
Yeah
Yeah, totally I'm fi-- Unh!
- Zach! - Unh! Unh!
Run!
- Ghouls Go, go - Oh! Oh!
Oh, they're getting closer.
- Go Here. Go Go. - Come on. Come on.
Go, go, go
Hurry, quick, quick, quick
Unh, I'm stuck
- Go on without me. Save yourself. - Okay Good luck
No, I didn't mean it Champion!
What kind of monster would take me up on that?
- Pull. - Everybody pull.
I'll kill him Where is that little imbecile?
Wait for us, you coward!
All right Okay, Lorraine You got this
Just tell the cops to head to the high school and that everyone's in trouble
You can do this Okay Unh!
Nope Wrong door.
Hello?
Is anyone in here?
Calling all cops, calling all the cops
Head to the high school My nephew's in trouble
He's with R. L. Stine They think they know how to stop all this.
Hello? Can anyone hear me?
I can hear you.
Sergeant Slappy, ready to protect and serve.
Oh, my goodness.
- You're. - Don't do it
- A talking. - Don't say it
- Dummy - You said it
You have the right to remain silent
Where did they put my typewriter? I know it was this way
It might've been the other way
- We should split up - What? No
Ever read your books? We're never supposed to split up.
Come on. How many display cases could there be?
- You're touching me - Yeah Hang on a second
- Hannah doesn't know, does she? - She doesn't know what?
That she's not real
She thinks she's a person. Okay? Not some figment of your imagination
How could you lie to her?
I was trying to protect her
Oh, yeah? Well, good job with that
This gift of mine is a curse
You have no idea how lonely it's been until Hannah
She's different
I wrote her in such a way that she thinks she's real, and she is real to me, Zach
I don't expect you to understand
Actually, I do.
I'm afraid of losing her
And the truth is, I'm afraid of being alone
I suppose I stopped connecting with real people when I was your age
After my dad died, I shut everyone out too
Maybe we can both start over.
If we're alive tomorrow
There you are
Are you okay?
You look like you just saw a ghost
Okay Well, come on We found the typewriter
Oh, my sweet darling, I've missed you so much
- All right, so start writing - Yes, but what's the story?
What? Monsters lose, good guys win, the end.
No, no, no It doesn't work unless it's a real Goosebumps story with.
Twists and turns and frights
Not to mention some personal growth for our hero
- What? - Go to the gym
Warn everyone Tell them to barricade the school
- Where are you going? - To find someplace to write
Slappy's going to come for me I have a deadline, literally Now go
Unbelievable
Off, off, off, off, off with your head
Dance, dance till you're dead
Heads will roll, heads will roll
Heads will roll on the floor
Excuse me
Sorry Coming through
Come on. We gotta get to the stage
Heads will roll, heads will roll
Heads will roll on the floor
So this is what a high-school dance is like
Uh, yeah Usually the dancing's better.
But you get the idea.
That what they call dancing now? I'm not sure.
Zach
Mom Mom Zach
- I couldn't get hold of you or Lorraine - I know I know
Mom, everyone here is in danger, we have to barricade the school
- Oh, no Not this again - He's telling you the truth
Hi, I'm Hannah I live next door
All right Okay, everyone, listen up Okay?
- Okay Everybody, you gotta listen up-- - Champ
- I have something to say - Get down
Uh. Wow Get off the stage
Okay, um.
Uh, okay, uh
Listen to my best friend Zach
- Just-- Just tell them - Thanks, Champ
- Yeah - Yeah All right. Um
This is going to sound insane.
But monsters have invaded Madison.
Guys, it's the truth Okay? He's telling the truth It's--
He's not making this up
They've blocked every road out of town, they've torn down the cell towers.
And we've been cut off from the rest of the world
And they could be coming for us any second so we need to work to--
He's right. It's the Boogeyman.
And he's picking his nose
- I'm not making-- - Aah!
There's a giant bug, and it's eating everybody's cars!
- Uh, it's getting old, dude - No, seriously!
They're here
Whoa
Ha, ha! Now, this is a real homecoming
All right Everyone, calm down Okay? I know what to do.
But I can't do it by myself
Take this.
Invite the rest of our friends to the party
Look. Those things out there...
They're R. L. Stine's monsters
He's here, and he can fix this, but we need to buy him time to write
And don't worry, he's a very quick writer.
The night was cold.
Cold was the night
Come close Don't be shy
You don't wanna miss the show
All right, everyone These are all the exits
Find anything to barricade the doors because we cannot let the monsters in.
Come on, guys We don't have a lot of time Stack them up there
Come on, quickly Quickly Yes
All my friends in one place.
I've never been so happy
I don't want this day to end.
And it doesn't have to.
As long as we get rid of Stine
- Charge! - Woo-hoo!
Go, go, go It's not gonna hold Go
Go, go, go
We come in peace
- We should be helping - We should be leaving
Uh. Wow
What? What?
Where are you going?
We are so through
Please, no. Please. Please
No, please
- Oh, my God. How'd you do that? - Oh, um.
Silver fillings I have a ton of cavities
When I was 10, I didn't brush my teeth for a year
Ugh, werewolf hair Oh.
You saved my life, Chump.
It's actually "Champ."
I was just gonna say "hug me again," but yeah, yeah, that works too
We can't keep this up There's too many.
We have to get to Stine
- Let's go - Okay
All the monsters had converged
The vicious vampire bats.
The praying mantis.
The haunted mask.
- Forgetting somebody? - Slappy
- How did you find me? - Ha-ha-ha
I know you I created you.
Or is it the other way around?
I always forget We're so similar
Slappy?
- Slappy? - Hi.
"Everyone in the high school joined forces
To defeat Slappy and his monsters "
Hmm But Slappy had other ideas.
No.
Dad!
- Are you okay? - That dumb dummy broke my fingers
I was almost finished
- One or two pages left - Forget two pages.
- Just write two words, "the end " - It doesn't work like that
School-wide announcement:
Monsters have overwhelmed Madison High.
Retreat in an orderly fashion to the storage room.
I repeat, retreat in an orderly fashion to the storage room
- We'll figure this out later Let's go. - Follow me
Come on, go!
- Aah! - Hannah No
Close it Close it.
- Are you okay? - Yeah Yeah Thanks
- Come with me. - Okay.
Wait Wait, she's a--
Yes, and I don't care
All right Come on, come on, come on Go, go, go Shut it! Go!
Get that door. Get it Get it Get it
Oh, God
Wait Mom, Mom, Mom You okay?
Are you okay? Yeah.
- What do we do? They'll get through - I don't know
Slappy wants me
That's who he's after
Listen, if I can lure them away in a bus, they'll follow me You'll all be safe
- I'm coming with you - No. I need to do this alone
I've been running from people my whole life
I was so angry at the real world that I created these terrible monsters
Hold that door down
But I'm not mad anymore
It's my fault, not this town's
- Not yours - There's gotta be another way
Hannah, sweetheart
It's time for me to face my demons.
- I believe in you - Shut up! I'm sorry.
I mean, shut up
I have an idea
Oh, Papa.
There's no escaping from us
Bring him to me
Did it work?
Not yet
Come on. Come on, work.
Come on, come on
Uh-oh
Yes! High five
- Oh, boy Bad idea. - Sorry
Yes It worked
Oh, be careful, Zach
We're gonna get through this
Not a good time
Okay
Okay Go.
It was clear there was only one place left to hide
- I can't type while walking - Commit it to memory.
There was one place to hide It was the, uh, arcade gallery.
- There is no arcade gallery - Okay That was, in fact, the funhouse
Wait, guys Why don't we just sit at one of these tables?
Come on. Guys!
Follow the scent
Lead me to Stine
Stine's ingenious plan worked to perfection.
The funhouse was terrifying. Not so much for Stine as it was for the others
But it offered refuge from the real terrors that lurked outside
You wish
He found us Quickly, follow me
Papa, you left without saying goodbye
Trying to hide from me?
That's like hiding from yourself
I was your best friend, and you turned your back on me
Locked me up, imprisoned me in the pages of a book
You stuck me on a shelf for years and years
The key was right there
And you never used it
You're not real, Slappy. I created you
I can write you out
I've been saving this monster just for you.
- Say hello to my gelatinous friend. - Run!
It's The Blob That Ate Everyone Don't let it touch you
We need to get to higher ground
The Ferris wheel
Zach, you go on ahead I'll hold it off You finish the book
What? What do I write?
- What's the end? - It's the story I've been writing.
It's what's happening right now You can do this End it
Wait
Dad!
Hannah, he's gonna be okay. All right? We have to finish the book
Okay
Not so fun, is it?
Here we go
Okay
How do you like it, Papa?
The world is just outside your grasp, but you can't move
You're trapped
That's what it felt like to be locked inside your books.
Wait The book
Where is it?
As the monsters converged.
Zach closed his eyes and the monsters.
Were swallowed back into the world of paper and ink
Can you type any faster?
- This is my first time using a typewriter - Keep going
Eureka, eureka, 23-69.
- They're coming. What are we gonna do? - Finish it, Zach.
One by one, the monsters disappeared back into the book.
Never to be seen
Again
The end
- Here - What happens now?
We're about to find out
We're all gonna die!
Just hold on
Hold on tight
Where's the seat belt in this thing?
Let's go
Right
I'm okay. I'm okay
Okay Hurry up. All the monsters will be here any second
All the monsters
Wait What are you waiting for? Come on. Open the book
Hannah, there's something that you need to know.
- You're not gonna-- - Open the book
No. You don't understand If we open the book, that means--
It means I'll be stuck on a shelf someplace forever
You knew?
How many sweet 16s can one girl have?
Zach, it's time to move on
Now open the book, scaredy-cat
No.
- Okay Then I'll open it - Wait, no Hannah!
Wait, Hannah. I've got you
Oh, oh, oh! Ha-ha-ha
Maybe if I hold onto you tight enough--
You have to let go, Zach
Whoa!
Slappy's not happy
Neither is Stine!
Stupid dummy!
See you in your dreams
You'll be okay
I'll always be in your imagination.
Which is really where I belong
I'm just sad we never got to share a dance.
Wait
Wait, wait
Hey.
Yeah. One more coat, we should be good.
Let's go, ladies and gentlemen.
Welcome back to class, guys
- All right Welcome back - Hey. Watch it
We're back to business Let's go.
Okay I'll give you a 60-second head start
It's okay, Mom
Let's go in together
So mature
You love it
After fourth period Oh, okay That would be great
You okay? You breathing? You're gonna be great
Okay? You look great You smell great
My God, what is that?
I rub myself in cilantro every morning
- Of course you do, my sexy little salsa - Ha-ha-ha
- Go on. - Okay I'm off to work
Oh, what did I have for you?
- There it is. - Ah!
Oh Oh. Went too far Got it
Hello. Ahem
My name is Mr. R. L. Stine, and I will be your new English teacher
Because Mr. Boyd is still recuperating from injuries.
Sustained in a mutant-insect attack.
Now.
Every story ever told.
Can be broken down into three distinct parts
The beginning.
The middle
And the twist
- Hello, Mr. Stine - Hello, Mr. Black
- Uh, who was that? - He's the new drama teacher
- Can I ask you something? - Of course
Do you miss her?
Not a day goes by that I don't think of her
But she'll always be in here.
And in there
And right here.
And in here.
And also right over there
Ha, ha I may have written one more book.
Hannah
You're-- You're real
- You came back - I had to You owe me a dance
Come on, let's go
You forgot about me Ha-ha-ha